It has been a while dear ones and even though there’s been pain, my faith is always strong.

These days, I don’t write. I don’t have words. I don’t find words. My head seems to have refused to string together the words I need. There is pain. But then, faith bubbles up inside, arises and then bursts!

My heart felt heavy. Emotions have been strong, and even though they never completely overwhelm me, there have been times when they leave me without words.

I have been in a very difficult point in my life. Both spiritually, emotionally, and physically.

Physically, because I have been fighting different health challenges, which I win daily. When the simple act of breathing in oxygen proves to be a fight. A fight of faith. And, then I am reminded of the assurance of victory. I always come out victorious.

Also, just like most of us, there are things that I desire which I am yet to receive. I consider myself both blessed and of a special breed. I have been blessed with innumerable blessings, and I am filled with thankfulness and gratitude. But as is normal with humans, there are still a few things I yearn for, one more than others. And, it’s not come into manifestation yet.  Maybe you know what it is, maybe you don’t. Maybe you’ve prayed with me or for me. It is still yet to manifest.  My faith is strong. But, as I get older, and as circumstances around me change, there are days when the yearnings are stronger than others. There are days when the void is so intense, I could touch it.

Then I turn inwards and I remember that I am blessed with an unshakable faith, and I know that while I busy myself bearing fruits with the things that I have received, the others will fall into place, in due time.

Emotionally, because some of the people I love either do not know how to show love or they don’t love me at all. But, I have held on to love and will continue to spread cheer and goodwill. Those times when I feel like some people in my life do not understand me, those moments of loneliness. And then I am reminded of the millions of wonderful people who see me and love me unconditionally.

Spiritually, because faced with all the struggles and the occasionally losses, there are times when God seems too far away. There are times, when I kneel to pray, or I lift up my hands in worship and the words do not come. And in moments like those, I kneel there, saying nothing. I keep my hands lifted, saying nothing.

With time, the words tumble out, the songs rise from within, the tears well up, and I let go. I let all go.

I sob.

And cry.

Then scream.

And talk.

I sing.

And sometimes, I dance.

I do what comes, whenever it comes.

And I find relief. Relief in God’s words. In His promises.

My faith in a God whose existence many have questioned is what keeps me going. It is what gives me joy. It is what fills my heart with hope and with peace and with an assurance that everything is working for my good.

So, when my head seems to refuse to string together the words I need, when there is pain… I stop. Till somehow, faith bubbles up, arises and bursts…

Then I rise, again. And I keep walking my walk. I keep living. I keep loving.

Have you been there? Have you experienced this? How do you keep going? What keeps you moving?