The thing about life is that we never stop growing and learning, in the same way, we must continually unlearn some things. Most people grow up with preconceived notions about different things and sometimes these beliefs and notions work well for us. And sometimes, they become limiting and even detrimental to our growth and development.

I have come to learn that there are many things that we need to unlearn if we want to move forward in the right direction. If we truly desire to live a life of positive impact, there are a few areas in our lives where we need to reexamine what we think we know.

 1. “You shouldn’t let the world see your weakness or your struggles.”

I am still gradually unlearning this particular lesson, and believe me, it’s not easy. There is a very common saying that one must not wash his or her dirty linen in public. Maybe there are instances when we should, but there are definitely a lot of others where we shouldn’t. I guess that will depend on how dirty the linen is, on the kind of public you have and on why you might choose to wash it in public…

There was a point in my life when all I showed the world were the good stuff. The victories. I only cried at night, when no one could see me. Most people seem to have the insane idea that I had the perfect life. The smile that was permanently on my face convinced some that I had things easy. I was supposed to be the super woman who could deal with everything and people expressed disappointment and even hurt when they felt that I was not being that super a woman.

I have seen people who are constantly hosting pity parties and only showing us the bad stuff. The complainers. The whiners. Constantly going on about their woes. These ones seem to be eternally on the short end of the stick. They make us even feel guilty of our own blessings. If you know people like, it is normal for people to generally avoid them. They become like a heavy burden, constantly wearying and weighing down the people around them. 

I have learnt that when we keep our struggles to ourselves, we don’t give people a chance to relate to us. On the other hand, when we choose to share, we give ourselves a chance to share our humanity, to learn from others, connect to them and allow them to learn from us. So, now as I unlearn this lesson, I allow myself to cry my tears when and where they come.

I cry as I find healing and comfort and I cry as I share my testimonies, because I am not a super woman, and I have learnt that it is ok not be. Your tears can inspire many. The shameful or hurtful story you may choose to share might just be what someone needs to understand that there is hope and light and peace, no matter how dark the path might seem.

 2. “You should or shouldn’t care about what others think!”

On the one hand, I would say, “No, you really shouldn’t. In fact, you must not. And there’s nothing more to say”. 

But, on the other hand, I might say, it depends on who “others” are… 

There are people whose opinions should matter to you. 

In my life, I have a number of people whose voices matter and are trusted. 

The few who can call me out when I miss my steps. 

The ones whop see strength in me in areas where, for whatever reasons, I am not able to see. 

The ones who cover me in my areas of weakness and do not use it against me but instead try to help me build up. 

I have mentors and partners. And what they think matter. 

I have elders and superiors and their voices are respected.

I have peers and team members and I care about the things that could affect them in anyway. 

I have subordinates and I am concerned and interested in seeing the grow and be better. 

And how can I serve effectively if I do not care about the people I am serving. 

Ultimately, I say to always filter every voice properly and to be ensure that you have the final say – this means that no matter what these people say to you, ensure that you accept it before implementing. Their opinions matter but you and only must have the final say. And once you accept, remind yourself to take responsibility for the result. 

 3. “You shouldn’t let people who love you down.”

This is one of the life lessons I considered very noble, and which I have followed far too religiously. So, when I say don’t do it, I’m actually just trying to save you some needless trouble. You can thank me later for reducing your stress level.

 Understand and accept that it’s ok to let people down. It is one of those things that happens in life.  There are times when it’s better to just say “no” than to accept to do something that you don’t really want.  Chances are no matter how much you sacrifice to please people, most of them will forget what your sacrifices, some will not appreciate your efforts and you might find yourself feeling bad and regretting your sacrifices and then even resenting them. And there are no blessings in that. 

Trying to please everyone is just not worth it.  If you live in the real world, like me, you will find that the more you try to please some people, the more they will take you for granted and ceaselessly make demands on you again and again. So, keep it real. with yourself and with everyone else in your life.

In doing this, your heart will learn to forgive those who also let you down – because, in case you have forgotten, that is a given.

 4. “Don’t be selfish.” 

If you are like me, you grew up with many strong Christian values and doctrines. One of them is to always put other people before yourself. It was drummed into me that selfishness is a terrible thing. And, when done wrongly, it is. However, there are a million and one reasons why you must sometimes put yourself first. The most important one being that if you are not ok, you can’t give much to anyone else. So, selfishly take care of your self first because that’s the only way you can be able to bless the world around you.

 5. “Pride is bad and humility is good.” 

Pride is not always bad and humility is sometimes used as an excuse for not standing up for yourself. Be proud of yourself, what you do and your achievements and do not apologise for that. Keep humility in your heart to help you aspire to greater height and to keep you patient with the ones who are yet to be blessed as you are. Find a balance.

These days, when I talk about myself, I always say that I have learnt to be both humble and proud.

I am both humbled by and proud of how far I have come, the storms I have weathered, the battles I have fought and won as well as the ones I have lost. The gains, the victories, but also the losses humble and fill me with pride all at the same time.

I am both humbled by and proud of the love that the people around me show me.

I am humbled by and proud of the journey ahead of me.

I am humbled by God’s love and I am proud of being a vessel unto honour in His hands.

What more can I say? Find the balance.

 6. “Always prepare for the worst.”  

And hope for the best, right? Wrong. Ever heard of the word “paranoia?” While bad things might happen, assuming that they will only makes you fear the future and prevents you from taking risks of any kind. even when a rational mind would see that there are many benefits to be reaped from such leaps of faith.  Now, imagine you could get rid of that mindset as well as the accompanying unnecessary “everything is going to go wrong” fear, and live in a state of constant peace of mind. Sound nice, huh? Think “Pronia”.

Having a positive and yet practical perspective is like having a healthy and balanced diet. It becomes a way of life. And you will no longer live a life of phobias and fears, worrying about the worst. 

You become free to enjoy the moment and ready to handle everything that life brings your way. Positive thoughts are not overrated. They work. 

 7. “Problems are bad.”

You may think that problems are bad. And most times, when we are faced with problems, it is uncomfortable, and stretches us beyond what we can imagine.

But the truth is that problems are wonderful, each carrying the seeds of its own solution.

When you look at that problem in the right light, you will find that finding the solution could open doors you never could have imagined.

Job burnout? It’s steering you toward your perfect career.

An awful or broken relationship? It’s teaching you what love means.

Loss- of a loved one, or an opportunity, or a possession? It will teach you gratitude and appreciation for the people you have in your life. It will nudge you out of the place where you take the people, opportunities and things you have in your life for granted.

My Mum always told us, “Neccesity is the mother of all invention.” And my grandfather used to say that if you could identify a need or a problem, then find and proffer the solution, you would have truly lived. He’d add, “but, if you can also convince people to pay you money for the solution, you would build long-term wealth.”

They were both right.

Finding the solution to each problem is what gives life its gusto. So quit complaining about your problems and embrace them for they will bring out the best you don’t know you have in you.

 8. “Money is the root of all evil.” 

If you want to quote the Bible, please do it well. The Holy Book says, “the LOVE of money is the root of all evil”, It also says that money answereth all. My Mum insists that you’ll be alright once you understand money is a great servant and a terrible master. Relate to money as you would your servant, put it to work and both you and the rest of the world will be happy, and if you ask me, money will be glad to work for you.

Also, as you pursue wealth, please be clear about why you want to be wealthy in money terms. We need to understand the difference between putting money to work and working for money. 

There are needs all around us that will be solved with money. There are people around us who need a level playing ground. Money is a tool. A driver of change – but if you don’t use money to change situations and circumstances, then money will begin to change you. 

What would you do with 10million Euros if it is dropped into your hands right now? 

As you reflect on the answers, think of practical ways you can ensure that when (not if) money comes to you, you will be prepared to make judicious use of it.

Prepare your mind for wealth management. Don’t let it take you by surprise. Have a roadmap for that money. Therein lies your key to making money your servant, and not a master. 

Learn to let go of the restrictive and limiting dogmas and become all the hues of miracle that you have been called to be.

#TME