Over the past few months, I wrote a few posts about marriage on my Facebook page and this sparked off a lot of feedbacks. Some sending messages to say thank you, but there were a few unpleasant messages too but I won’t bore you with the details.. I understand that as a writer, people will have different opinions about what I write and I welcome all feedbacks. I have learnt to handle them and to learn from them.
Today, again talking about relationships, I’d like to talk about something which very often is disregarded or ignored.
Every time we talk about domestic violence, there are some people who think it is something exclusive to women being beaten by their husbands. More often than not, wives are portrayed as the victims of abuse and men are mostly pictured as the beasts.
It is not and it is high time we addressed the other side of that monstrous coin. Because you see, there is another side to this particular coin. It is never always one thing or the other.
Many people have said that I am becoming an advocate for women. I have spoken out very loudly in favour of gender equality. I have written to men here, speaking from my heart and again the feedback was amazing.
However, the truth is that I am an advocate of everything that is good, that will influence and impact positively. I am an advocate for anything that will promote growth, anything that will inspire and motivate for good. I am in favour of gender equality for both men and women because I know it benefits both genders when properly handled. While I lend my voice against domestic abuse, I know that if we truly want to address the issue, we must understand that domestic violence is not about size, gender, or strength. The stereotype of an abusive relationship is that of a man physically beating a woman. Society has yet to acknowledge the vast number of women who emotionally abuse men.
It must be said in no uncertain terms that there are women who are also terribly guilty of this.
Women beating men; whether by their hands, actions or what’s worse, by their words.
The ones who will unashamedly destroy the men in their lives with the words of their mouth.
The ones who will bring down a good man with just a look.
The ones who destroy self esteems, and kill dreams.
The ones who appear to derive joy from battering the men in their lives whether physically, emotionally or verbally.
The ones who will not hesitate to use the cooking spoon or to break a bottle to threaten the lives of their men…
The ones who will shred their men to nothing in front of their friends.
The ones who only sees the negatives and are never bothered to identify the efforts of the men in their lives.
Those women who words or looks are more poisonous that the deadliest of all venoms.
The ones who will nag and insult and criticise
The ones who will scream, yell, or threaten
The ones who have no encouraging words to give
The ones who insist on always being right
The ones who allow bitterness to take root in their heart and cause them to lash out at the slightest provocation whether real or imagined
These women who are armed to their teeth with destructive weapons of warfare and whose every action or word or even thought destroys.
There are many women like these and there are men married to them.
There are men who are brought up or have learnt never to raise their hands on their women, no matter the provocation and there are women who are taking undue advantage while abusing and destroying these men.
There are men who are crying in silence because our society do not see them.
There are good men who are trapped in relationship with someone who neither value them nor allow them peace at home.
There are men who walk on eggshells around their partner because they’re afraid she’ll flip out on them for minor transgressions or simply because she’s in a bad mood.
There are men who are spending more and more time at work not because they really love their jobs, but just because they don’t want to go home.
Some have become violent. Driven to lash out against their abusers.
Wrong, yes. Unjustifiable, yes, but still…
When we choose to deal with domestic violence as a vice that only men do, we lie.
When we ignore the plight of these men, we become ourself part of the abuse against them.
Women are not always the beauties nor men always the beasts.
Women are not always by default innocent victims nor men always the terrible villains.
We must as a matter of urgency also cry out against the verbal and emotional and psychological abuse being directed at men.
Woman, if you are guilty of these, stop and repent.
And if you have abused the man in your life in anyway, before you join in the discussion about domestic violence and about how wicked men are, go home, wash your mouth and ask him and God for forgiveness.
Have you noticed any form of violence against men around you?
